This is the story of an Ugly Duckling mirror.. Goldilocks mirror...Snow White mirror... and maybe a little Cinderella thrown in too...

Anyway, it is a fairy tale... Comfy? Good.... let's begin...

ONCE UPON A TIME...



...there was an ugly duckling mirror (sad mirror). It had a great personality (bones, structure) but was very very ugly.
A big slobbery ogre (the manufacturer of the mirror) in a moment of complete insanity ( how else could it be explained) cast a spell on the sad mirror (painted it in a chippy polka dot manner). The ogre had wanted something to be a hideous as himself... (and it was)!

 It the ugliest mirror in all the land (literally, in all the land)!

Many of the town... and country folk (shoppers) thought it had THE POX (like... "a pox on you!")!


A kind and generous Fairy Godmother... FGM to her best friends... (I love playing this role... you should see my tutu and  wings!) found the sad mirror in the Land Of Overstocked Merchandise  (HomeGoods). Because she was very very wise and quite lovey (my story, my FGM vision) she knew that someday this sad chippy mirror would grow up to be the most beautiful in the land!!!!

 With a wave of her magic wand (and $49.99) the beautiful and slender ( my story, remember?) FGM set the sad mirror free from the Land Of Overstocked Merchandise (HomeGoods) to begin a long journey to a far off place (Washington DC)... riding in a beautiful carriage (an SUV)!

When they arrived in the far off place (Washington, DC) the fabulous and benevolent  FGM presented the mirror as a gift to the Capital Hill Princess (my darling Jacqueline) and her Prince Charming ( handsome husband Jonathan)  and instructed them to nurture the mirror (repaint it) and give it a good home (above the sofa).

Alas, the far off land (Washington DC) was not friendly to ugly mirrors... and it did not fit in ( too small above the sofa)... at all (too big for the dining room wall)!  Oh, the sad mirror tried to fit in... but nothing seemed to be just right (a perfect place to hang it)! And  all the other square beautiful mirrors made fun of it's chippy roundness! 

One day the Capital Hill Princess (Jacqueline) drank a magic potion (I know you like a Margarita at Las Placitas now and then, Miss J) and became a wicked witch (sorry, Jacqueline). She cast a spell (fairy tales are full of spells) on the mirror and banished it to the Land Of Stink And Stench (the DC Municipal Solid Waste Site).

Just when the mirror thought that it was doomed... who should appear but the exquisite, multi-talented, wildly famous Fairy Godmother!

The charitable, sweet, splendid, uber-kind FGM (again, my story) took pity on the sad mirror and said she would  grant it three wishes (try to fix it up herself)...

The first wish the unbelievably lovely, dazzling and humble FGM granted the mirror was to make it the most beautiful mirror in the land (except for the gilded mirror above the mantle... who can compete with gilding)! So the sad mirror began a long journey to the Land Of All Things Domestic (StoneGable) in another beautiful carriage (SUV)... feeling a little hopeful for the first time!

The mirror was not in The Land Of All Things Domestic (StoneGable) very long before the gifted, handy, savant-of-a-FGM (moi) went to work weaving her magical spell (getting out the Annie Sloan Chalk Paints). 

...We will save her magical transformation for another story (post).


The incredible, acclaimed, statuesque (I DID NOT say Rubenesque!) FGM waved her magic wand (paintbrush) and with just a few incantations (okay, I said a bad word when I dropped the paintbrush on the hardwood floor) the glorious, personable, brilliant Fairy Godmother's work was done!

The astonishing, ravishing, world renowned  FGM had taken the ugly duckling mirror and turned it into a beautiful swan (great decor piece). 

The mirror could hardly recognize itself! (I don't think mirrors have eyes)




"Now mirror", the magnificent, fascinating, sexy FGM, crooned... would you like to make your second wish? 

The mirror wispered in a grateful voice, " Yes, perfect, pulchritudinous (look it up!), benevolent FGM...I wish  to find a place to live... one that is... just right."

"Done", said the fairy (I'm running out of adjectives).

The lighter-than-air FGM flew over the Land Of All Things Domestic (StoneGable) looking for a just-right place... not too small and not too big... but... just right!



The beautiful mirror was so happy  (opps, used that one already) elated!

It had finally found a wall that was "just right"!  

The ________________, __________________, ________________ ( this is the audience participation part of the story... you fill in the blanks this time... be kind!) and her handy side-kick helper (okay, it should say troll, but I just could not bring myself to call my sweet husband a troll) put the mirror in its new just-right place... in the Capital Hill Princess' (Jacqueline) weekend getaway (bedroom at StoneGable).

But don't worry, the Capital Hill Princess (Jacqueline) would not partake (overindulge) in any magical potions (Margaritas) in the Land Of All Things Domestic (StoneGable) when she came to visit with Prince Charming (Jonathan). No, no no... not while the motherly, protecting, just, merciful, giving... and powerful FGM was watching over the land of All Things Domestic (StoneGable) AND the Princess (Jacuqeline).

The mirror loved living in it's just right place (wall in the J and J guest room) in the Land Of All Things Domestic (StoneGable)!

And there the beautiful mirror lives to this day... being admired by the people throughout the land (overnight guests... and hopefully dear readers).




And like all great fairy tales... THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER...



Wait... wait ... what about the third wish? Isn't there a third wish? The mirror gets another wish...

Well, that is for another time... you know... all great stories always have a SEQUEL!




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